space-oddity's Diaryland Diary

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bad money

i spent too much money at borders yesterday.
i need to stop this crazy shopping.
when i was a child, i had loads of toys and clothes - my mother, she would buy me something new almost everyday.
now, i know this sounds like the definition of, how do you say, spoiled brat, but i don't think i was like that.
my parents divorced when i was very young, and i think both of them tried to compensate for my loss by giving me things.
i think i would have been perfectly happy without all of it,
but one does become accustomed to that lifestyle,
and now in my adulthood,
i have this extreme need for things,
the accumulation of things, stuff, media, trinkets, etc,
but this time around i have to buy it all myself,
and it's so hard to break the habit.
i mean, let's face it, i'm poor.
when you're poor, you don't have money for books or cd's or knickknacks or weird, trendy shoes, and it's hard to get into the habit of carting yourself over to the library to look for the book that everyone else is looking for... to take it home and not be able to scribble notes in it and spill coffee on it if you please. it's hard to be without bj�rk's new cd (my goodness, it's so beautiful... it puts this smile on my face that you wouldn't believe). it's hard not to buy those little treasures you find at antique stores and gift shops. it's so hard not to buy those goddamned art books that i love so much.
when you're poor, your main focus should be
s a v e,
so i'm gonna try this for a little while.
s a v e.

.

.

so last night colin had some friends over from the theatre department.
i, having one too many beers, smoked a cigarette (the first cigarette that i've ever smoked in my entire life; i think i must have been trying to prove a point at the time but can't remember what i was thinking now, but it has since been brought to my attention that while smoking, well, actually for a few hours, i had been wearing these big sunglasses, not too far from the famous pair you often see yoko ono wearing.. and someone had given me a nametag, which read, "my name is leslie, but you can call me yoko"), anyways, i threw up, and fell asleep on my bed - all of this before i had the chance to meet any of these lovely people,
but i don't think i missed too much.
they're just not my lot of people,
and well, they're not meant to be.
i'm sure they don't much care for me, either,
and so i went to bed.

12:25 p.m. - 2001-09-09

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