space-oddity's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dead idols i whipped up a huge mound of mashed potatoes a few days ago. the weather here has abruptly turned cold and stormy, and i figured that nothing could be more appropriate. yes, thick and creamy, hot comfort food, and it's all gone now. something's lacking. i still need more. . and, alas, i desperately need to do laundry. this is an endless chapter from my life. what's even worse is that all of my teenage idols are dying. no, not literally, well maybe for some, but really, they don't stand for the things they used to. for instance, i haven't found jarvis cocker sexy for a very long time. i'm listening to him moan and croon from my speakers. it's sexy moaning, and nothing's happening inside of me. signs of aging, i guess. it's 22 years for me in 22 days. jarvis is just an eight year old obsession of mine that's slowly dying. i remember being thirteen and renting movies too old for me. my mother would take me to this filthy little store called discount video every friday afternoon. i could pick out five video tapes for five nights. i rented stuff like rocky horror picture show and reservoir dogs, less than zero and robert altman's short cuts. in short cuts matthew modine plays this doctor. his character isn't too significant, and he's not terribly important to the movie, but for some reason, i became completely in love with him. matthew modine was my first crush. i know! god, couldn't i have picked someone remotely cool? no. it was matthew modine. the age of innocence came out, and i wanted to marry daniel day lewis. then jeremy irons. and at one point, i had a crush on donald sutherland. those were the movie stars. BONO! i rented the zoo tv video more than a dozen times, i'm sure. rock stars. i'd read every rolling stone and spin magazine from front to back scouring for any glimpse of dave gahan or the afore mentioned mr. cocker. this isn't news to anyone, i'm sure. most teenage girls spend hours everyday doing this sort of thing, but now i'm older, and wallpapering my walls with cutouts of alex james from blur doesn't seem to be the wisest way to spend my time anymore. i used to reserve so much of my memory for celebrity idols, and now, there's nothing but empty holes in my brain with tiny little stones etched with sayings like, "my extreme love and devotion for andrew mccarthy used to live here." i should have been filling those holes up with literary genius, calculus, and physics. teenagers have no idea how to spend their time. in summary, i need a new hobby. 12:34 am - 11.05.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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