space-oddity's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- student loans i'm starting to get worried about obtaining money for school. going back in the fall was a spur of the moment kind of thing, and i waited to the very last moment to turn in my fafsa; thus, i haven't heard anything from the university yet. i know that my grades weren't exactly up to code when i left that last semester, so i'm not expecting much in the form of a federal loan, if anything at all. and now, after i've gotten myself so psyched about going back to school, i'm getting frightened of the fact that i may just have to give it all up for another year because of stupid, unlovable, dumb money. i know that if i ask my parents, they'll come up with something, but i don't want to ask for their help. hell, i wasted enough of their money when i didn't attend class, didn't study for exams, and etc. my father isn't even aware that i've made plans to go back, which doesn't help matters. i know that if i apply for a loan from a private lender, i'll have to get a co-borrower. there is just no way i can get approved by myself. then i'll for sures have to talk to the parents. oh damn. damn. damn. maybe i should just wait 'til i'm 24, when i can finally declare myself independent and secure one of those lovely pell grants. while i'm on the subject of independency, why do they make it so difficult to be "independent"? i'm responsible for every financial aspect of my life, yet i'm still somehow dependent on my parents? jebus. it's maddening. i could throw bricks at the fafsa! big concrete bricks! i could also throw bricks at my parents for making too much money and making it impossible for me to acquire any decent grants or loans. okay, i wouldn't really throw bricks at my parents. well, maybe if they were slightly smaller bricks. i'm sorry if you've never had to apply for financial aid in the u.s., and you haven't a clue to what it is i'm going on about. actually, i'm not sorry. it's complete crap, and i wouldn't wish it on any of you. goodness, it's been so long since i've gone off on something that means anything about anything in this diary. i've forgotten what it feels like to write something that i genuinely care about. lately, it's just been drunken snippets. random babble. boring. ech. 2:05 am - 05.28.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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