space-oddity's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

no apologies

i've rented chocolat again, but i don't know if i'll get to it tonight. i love the way johnny depp looks in that movie. he reminds me of someone i know (used to know? someone i haven't seen in a long time),
and i guess it's comforting.

.

.

earlier i was thinking about e-mail, and how i haven't e-mailed someone a nice rambling, i-haven't-talked-with-you-in-a-while, message in a very long time.
i'm becoming out of touch maybe,
or is my circle of friends getting smaller?
i've kind of put myself in a bubble; i only talk to a handful of people these days (and maybe that is why there are so few - because they are just that - a handful ..heh).
no, but really, i think the circumstances stemming from the events of this last summer have made me weary of friends.
i'm just really tired - exhausted.
my friendship was tested, and i think i failed (fell-ed).
it's so difficult to pull myself back up,
so hard to recover.
it's just that for a long time a large part of my life was devoted to one person, and now she's gone,
and what do i do with myself now?
it doesn't help that i wake up most days feeling like a social failure,
and that i'm disgusted with myself for causing her (or anyone) any kind of displeasure or... whatever.
you say a p o l o g i z e,
but don't you see that this relationship is simply not salvageable?

.

so now i just sit in front of a computer a lot and pretend that i don't really think of her much
when most of the time i think that i've lost one of the best friends i'll ever have.
take that.
accept that.
consider it one of your greatest failures.

1:00 a.m. - 2001-09-11

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next