space-oddity's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- june '03 update i've been working a lot of overtime lately. i come home tired, and i watch the cirque du soleil reality show that's been playing on bravo. yeah, that's pretty funny, no, not the show, just me devoting a couple of hours of my night to this show everyday for the past week. anywho, i think the big finale was last night, and they won't be showing anymore of it. too bad. i was really getting into the circus thing. remember when you'd go to the circus as a kid or see little snippets of trapeze artists on the tv, and then you'd try to do flips of the back of the couch and stuff. that's the kind of feeling i was getting from watching that show. it was good while it lasted. i called my dad while i was on one of my fifteen minute breaks at work today. yeah, father's day, you know. i purposely called on a fifteen, so i'd have an excuse to get off the phone, though it's not like he doesn't look for excuses, too. i just did us both a favor. we talked about work and admitted to each other that nothing much has been going on. same ol same ol. i feel compelled to go out and buy him a shirt or a tie or something and drop it into the mail tomorrow, but there's really no need for that. he'll know it's all just one big forced action, and then the shirt will sit in the drawer with all the other forced actions i've given him throughout the years. you really shouldn't buy gifts for people unless you mean it. i don't want to get him something out of guilt. i'm tired of letting that emotion drive my actions. it has been very difficult to change that. listening to the new goldfrapp. black cherry. i like saying that. ... i just typed a lot about jobs and all the restraints i have on me because i don't have a college degree yet and how it's all so discouraging. i also typed a brief bit about how i got upset at the bar last night when i was talking about the job thing. i got so worked up about people not letting me reach my potential because of stipulations, like the college degree thing, that i started crying, and then felt really stupid. we paid the check and left in a hurry after that. yeah, i just typed a big bit about that and then decided it was too big, so i erased it and filled in with this smaller bit. yeah. i was a big dork last night. it was the beer. i think. actually, i think i'm just afraid of school so much that i wish there were easier ways to climb the ladder to success. oh, and i found out a couple of weeks ago that the grocery stores in my area now carry diet cherry 7up!!! i'm fucking psyched about this. i've been waiting forever. i saw an old friend the other day. he's got a cool job at the cool locally managed music store now. he was a cool guy, and he's probably still cool, but i wouldn't know because i don't really see him anymore. i don't see anyone anymore. no one's fault but my own i guess. i'm not terribly broken up about it. i'm just coming to a point where i think i need to become more social again. i'm sorry that i don't type in this anymore. i've lost touch with the journal thing, at least for a while i have. somethings should be left unsaid. i used to add entries with such excitement and whimsy, and i really cared about content and keeping people's interest and being a good read. i don't know what's happened. when i was a kid, i always had coloring books full of half colored pictures. i guess it's kind of like that. in the end, i'm just always half-assing it. i have some other stuff i want to talk about, but i need to leave it for now and go to bed. i leave you with this kick ass video game made out of legos. 1:18 am - 06.16.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||