space-oddity's Diaryland Diary


at the office

clay is in love with the igia permanent kiss girl. i don't wear lipstick. mmhmm.

i received an email from a work colleague the other day. he told me he thought i was beautiful, and since we both have significant others, he said that he felt it was okay to say so. he asked for a reply. for what i don't know. maybe he wanted me to write that i wanted to jump his bones and get to his gene-ers. i don't know. i didn't write back, and he made it that much more difficult for me to go work the next day. it's hard enough as it is. the next day i said a casual hello and went on with my business. no usual office chatter took place. i kept my head down. next day, he wrote back; something to the tune of, "please don't hate me. why won't you write back?! please, anything will do. call me an asshole or a jerk. anything is better than silence! etc?! etc! etc etc?" again, i didn't send a reply. first of all, i don't handle compliments well to begin with. i feel unworthy of them most of the time, and it's difficult for me to understand. no. 2, i was a bit disgusted at his initial attempt to make contact, the whole since-we-both-are-seeing-someone-i-think-it's-okay-to-say-this thing. it's not something he would openly say to his girlfriend. "hey, honey, i'm really attracted to this girl at work." that would never happen, and it's a bit dodgy to be doing stuff like that behind your girlfriend's back, don't you think? so i never sent a reply. i wouldn't even know what to say. a week went by, and we continued to work in silence. yesterday i received another email demanding an answer. it is a bit childish and odd not to talk to him. he's a nice guy, just has inappropriate behavior when it comes to intra-office relations [intra? is that right?], so i finally replied. something like.. everything's fine.. i'm okay.. i don't take compliments well.. it's okay to talk to me.. bah.. etc. i'm such a liar. things will never be the same. it's his fault. and too bad 'cos he was pretty decent at the start. he came up to me in the break room earlier today and lightly punched me in the shoulder [you know, the way guys kind of lightly jab at each other like puppies playing (?)].
"so everything's cool then, right?"
"yeah, it's cool."
sacrificial actions for a peaceful work place. i'm still uncomfortable.

a chair disaster.

2:39 am - 12.07.02


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