space-oddity's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- keys i have the keys. party at my place!!! 11:32 am - 07.25.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- weight of weight loss i feel like taking all of these boxes and throwing them into the dumpster. moving is hard. tonight i went through a box of stuff that i had packed up the last time i moved (but had never unpacked the entire time i have lived in this apartment), and i found an old pair of shorts i used to wear back in sophomore year of high school. why do i still have these shorts after all of these years? wishful thinking. i got curious, and i decided to try them on. to my surprise, they fit, and actually, they were a little too big. hmm. this losing-weight thing is weird. before i had started this whole health kick, i was, of course, very self-conscious and extremely depressed about my looks, and now that i'm actually pretty close to what i had hoped to achieve, i am still very self-conscious. i wouldn't go so far as to say i'm depressed, but i am still very aware of what i look like and how people see me. a lot of this has to do with people openly commenting on the change, and some people have even questioned the fact that i've been eating. all of sudden i feel like i should be stuffing my face in front of everyone, so people know i'm not starving myself or something, and i feel i better make a point not to go to the bathroom directly after a meal because people will talk about that, too. i know people will talk because i've done it myself. women can be very cruel and unforgiving with each other sometimes. and yes, it is nice to hear people say positive things about the change in my looks, but really, it's hard for me to take compliments, and well, i'm just a fucking schmuck... what do i know... i don't like discussing this stuff in the first place. /rant. i'm going to bed. y'all. 4:01 am - 07.25.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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