space-oddity's Diaryland Diary
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red hat
long time no diary, eh? things are all very well. won't waste time with updating. i will jumpstart this year with a new (winter) design very shortly. until then, check out my new hat. fancy, huh?
1:01 am - 01.06.04
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december seventeenth
we were standing outside waiting for our ride to the company christmas party when this stupid old-maid bitch that works with me walked up to us. she said, "don't even bother with college, girls. just work two jobs. work here and somewhere else." what? excuse me? who says stuff like that? and why would i want to do that? so i can be middle-aged and lonely and hate my life just like yourself? i mean, everyone knows i've thought about what would happen if i didn't finish school and how feasible my chances would be for happiness after that, and i don't think it looks too grim, but i don't need to hear stuff like this from miserable spinsters. is she jealous of my youth? is this an attempt to poison my mind and, in turn, sabotage my life? dunno.
strange.
i just made fudge. i intend to cut it up into little squares in the morning, and then promptly package it up in little bags, which will then be given to unsuspecting friends, strangers, lovers, whathaveyou. perhaps this will keep me from eating it all myself. i already licked the spoon, and i made sure to coat the spoon with generous amounts of fudge-y goodness before doing so. that should suffice. you'd think. we'll see what happens in the morning.
*all of that was written yesterday. i got lazy, and saved the rest for later.
i didn't eat any fudge this morning.
listening to ladytron. thinking about eating fudge. realizing i haven't updated this in an awful long time. he took her to a movie. yes.
i am happy for tiffany. her brother is home, and i know this is when she'll be at her happiest. i can see how having your family close will make you completely at ease, cutting your worries in half. at least. the only thing i fear is that i will never get to see her anymore. neither of us really work at the vid anymore, and if we do, we don't work the same day, and she's now working two jobs just like me, and her brother is home and living with her. i know it's selfish, but i just hope she can pencil me in somewhere. most people aren't up for honest, sincere conversation. i don't know why this is this case, for i find those to be talking at its best. this is why i miss tiffany.
i've been hungry for the past four days. i am serious. it's not like i want to snack because i have a craving or something. i have that hunger feeling that lies somewhere between your belly and your throat. it won't go away. i've been eating, and eating, and eating some more. and i'm still hungry. i had a very large sandwich with a tall glass of water about an hour and half ago. and all of a sudden i feel like i'm starving again. this is worrying me. earlier, i did a little search on the good ol' wwwdot, and i found all of these sites about diabetes and thyroid problems. if the problem continues, i guess i'll finally have to go to the doctor, one of the things i hate most in life.
i haven't done my recycling in months. there is a heap of recyclables that sits around my kitchen trash can. it looks quite junky. i feel bad when the monthly bug-guy comes to spray. yesterday i apologized and tried to make him aware that what looks like dirty trash sitting on my kitchen floor is, in fact, clean and ready to be taken to be recycled. he's like, "yeah. whatever.".. i know that when they come to spray every month, they walk into my kitchen and think, "hey, thanks lady. thanks for making my job that much harder. fucking filth. sheesh." but it really isn't trash. oh well. i may be lazy, but i'm not dirty.
i went to a party last friday night. i got drunk. yes, this is what normally happens at parties, but what happens when i get drunk? i don't remember things. so i was at the grocery store the next day, and i ran into the people who had thrown the party. they were like, "dude, you kicked that girl's ass last night!" i did? apparently, i arm-wrestled some stranger on the kitchen table and won. looking back, i can remember pieces, such as the mixture of disgust and defeat on her face as she got up from her chair. bwahaha! and just last night i remembered how someone got the brilliant idea of trying to light matches with our teeth. we stood in a circle, each vigorously snapping matches in the hoods of our mouths. why? i do not know. but most of the night cannot be accounted for. i do remember telling someone that "i (found his) teeth endearing." after remembering, i promptly kicked myself in the face. who says stuff like that?
i do. stupid, stupid me.
1:29 pm - 12.17.03
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